temper tantrum

What hurts the most

My mom is gone.

That's what hurts the most. More than the others. I have these women, they offer motherly advice, motherly support, motherly hugs. They love me. But they have their real children, and I'm not one of them. As much as I want to be, I'm not. I'm 26 years old and I want to throw a temper tantrum on the floor screaming "I want my mommy!"

From the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I fall asleep at night I want my mom. The only way I can cope with these feelings is to be a mom myself.

When I was 3, my mom went on a date with my future stepfather Charlie. We lived with my grandparents then. My mom and Charlie were walking out the door and I was screaming, screaming, screaming. My grandma was holding me. Still feel the hyperventilation. They would be back in a few short hours, but when you are that young you have no self control or concept of time. All you know is that the one person you trust most is leaving without you.